Classic Bar Jokes


Beer Troubleshooting

Symptom

Trouble

Action

Feet cold and wet Glass being held at incorrect angle Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
Feet warm and wet Improper bladder control Nothing you can do about it now.
Beer unusually pale and tasteless Glass empty Get someone to buy you another beer.
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face

Get someone to help you maneuver.

Beer is crystal clear. You are drinking water.  Someone is trying to sober you up. Punch him.
Floor is blurred. You are looking through the bottom of an empty glass. Get someone to buy you another beer.
Floor is moving. You are being carried out Request to be thrown in the general direction of the next closest bar.
Everyone looks up to you and smiles. You are dancing on a table. Look for someone cushy-looking to fall on.
Your singing sounds distorted. Beer is too weak. Have more beer until your voice improves.
Don't remember the words to the song. Beer is just right. Play air guitar.
Don't recognize the room you're in or anyone there. You've wandered into the wrong party. See if they have free beer and eats.