Take aim...

The 19th Hole

Golf Jokes

GOLF: Getting Old and Living Fine!
GOLF: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
GOLF: Got its name because all of the other four letter words were taken.
GOLF:
A game in which the ball usually lies very poorly, but the player well.

The Caddy

Many golfers prefer a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize or laugh.

Golfer:  Wow!  I've never played this bad before!
Caddy: You've played before, sir?
The Caddie
Golfer: This is the worst golf course I've ever played on!
Caddy: Sir, the golf course is two miles east of here.
Golfer: Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?
Caddy: Eventually.
Golfer: Why do you keep looking at your watch?
Caddy: It's not a watch, sir.  It's a compass.
Golfer: This golf sure is a funny game!
Caddy: It's not supposed to be.

The Wife

The only reason I play golf is to bug my wife. She thinks I'm having fun.

  It took us by surprise on the 9th hole when Harry stopped in midswing as a funeral procession went by, dropped his club, took off his cap, and bowed his head.
"That was a very nice gesture", said Fred.
"It's the least I can do." said Harry, resuming his stance. "She was the best wife a guy could hope for."
Q: What is the only 'iron' that can come between a golfer and his game?
A:
The Iron Skillet!
Skillet Iron

A golfer has one advantage over a fisherman.
He doesn't have to produce anything to prove his story.

The cop says to the golfer...
Officer: Do you realize one of your balls went through somebody's windshield, causing a 13 car pile-up on the highway?
Golfer: Holy Smokes!  What should I do?
Cop: Try widening your stance a little.

The Amateur

An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice - once before swinging and once again, after swinging.

Beginners Luck

A retiree who was thinking of taking up golf went to the golf course and asked for lessons..

The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.

"Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.

"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup." the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.

"Oh great! NOW you tell me." said the beginner in a disgusted tone.

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