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The
19th Hole
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Golf
Jokes
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GOLF: Getting
Old and Living Fine!
GOLF: A five mile walk punctuated with
disappointments. |
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GOLF: Got its
name because all of the other four letter words were taken.
GOLF: A game in which the ball usually lies very poorly, but
the player well. |
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The
Caddy |
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Many
golfers prefer a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot
count, criticize or laugh. |
| Golfer: |
Wow!
I've never played this bad before! |
| Caddy: |
You've
played before, sir? |
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| Golfer: |
This
is the worst golf course I've ever played on! |
| Caddy: |
Sir,
the golf course is two miles east of here. |
| Golfer: |
Do
you think I can get there with a 5-iron? |
| Caddy: |
Eventually. |
| Golfer: |
Why
do you keep looking at your watch? |
| Caddy: |
It's
not a watch, sir. It's a compass. |
| Golfer: |
This
golf sure is a funny game! |
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| Caddy: |
It's
not supposed to be. |
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The
Wife |
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The
only reason I play golf is to bug my wife. She thinks
I'm having fun. |
It took us by surprise on the 9th hole when
Harry stopped in midswing as a funeral
procession went by, dropped his club, took off
his cap, and bowed his head.
"That was a very nice gesture", said
Fred.
"It's the least I can do." said Harry,
resuming his stance. "She was the best wife
a guy could hope for." |
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Q:
What
is the only 'iron' that can come between a
golfer and his game?
A: The Iron Skillet! |
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A golfer has one advantage over a fisherman.
He doesn't have to produce anything to prove his story.
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| Officer: |
Do
you realize one of your balls went through
somebody's windshield, causing a 13 car pile-up on the
highway? |
| Golfer: |
Holy
Smokes! What should I do? |
| Cop: |
Try
widening your stance a little. |
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The
Amateur |
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An amateur
golfer is one who addresses the ball twice - once before
swinging and once again, after swinging. |
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Beginners
Luck |
A
retiree who was thinking of taking up golf went to
the golf course and asked for lessons..
The pro showed him the stance and swing, then
said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on
the first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight
down the fairway and onto the green, where it
stopped inches from the hole.
"Now what?" the fellow asked the
speechless pro.
"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into
the cup." the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
"Oh great! NOW you tell me." said the
beginner in a disgusted tone. |
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