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What Not to Say to a Cop

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

Hey, you must've been doin' about 125mph to keep up with me! Good job!

Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?

You don't happen to have any beer in your car?

"Bad Cop! No Donut!"

Your not gonna check the trunk, are you?

"Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalizer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow"

Did you happen to attend the "Barney Fife" Police Academy?

Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends nightstand.

When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the camcorder.

I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket.

So, uh, are you on the take, or what?

Those sirens are hurting my ears, turn them off or I am not speaking to you.

Gee,officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

"Aren't you the guy from the village people"

Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay just so one of us does.

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

Sorry I can't hear you over the radio. No I am not turning it down, I love this song. Either speak up or just leave me alone.

What do you mean have I been drinking? Your the trained specialist.

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

Hey, man, you want a hit?

Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.

Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?





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