New Years Resolutions

for 2013

For some reason this new year the resolutions have more to do with driving habits, personal hygiene and the safe handling of explosives instead of the usual lose weight, get more exercise and eat less canned meat products. Okay, maybe that last one isn't usual.

This year, I resolve to:

Always replace the gas nozzle
before driving away from the pump.

I will always "check for paper"
when leaving the restroom.

I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.

I will always wear clean underwear, "just in case".

I will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars.

I will no longer park the BMW
 next to fire hydrants.

and never again will I try to diffuse an explosive device with the help of a known practical joker.

Have a Safe and Happy New Year! Funny 2013 Calendars Gifts for the 1% Also see :