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page is for educational and satirical purposes only. The webmaster
neither endorses nor engages in the activities mentioned below.
An
Old-Fashioned Valentine's Day
A lot Christians either don't
know or else they ignore the pagan origins of the holidays (Holy Days) they
celebrate. Valentine's Day, like others, is steeped in pagan
tradition. You see, this was originally a festival to honor a god that was different
than the God St. Valentine worshipped. In fact, St. Valentine's God is
pretty much against this kind of thing altogether. Nonetheless, if you
still want to celebrate a traditional Valentine's day, here's what you do:
| Gather at a cave |
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Sacrifice a goat for
fertility |
Sacrifice a dog for
purification |
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Drain
their blood into a bucket |
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Skin the goat and cut
the skin into strips |
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Divide the goatskin
strips and the blood amongst yourselves |
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Go throughout your village
gently striking the women and crops with the blood-soaked goatskin
strips. Don't worry, they like it!
It's supposed to make them fertile. |
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At
nightfall gather
once again. |
Girls, write your names on cards. The man who draws the
card with your name is the man you will spend the night and the next year with.
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If you're granted
fertility, you may be together much longer. |
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See more about Valentine's Day at The
History Channel
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Coming this
spring: |
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An
Old-Fashioned Easter |
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